Heart to Heart with Diane

I drove my daughter Louisa (14) over to her Orchestra class at the local charter school.  On the drive, she began to tell me about the teenagers she has met in high school that are angry and hate homeschooling.

“Why in the world would they hate homeschooling?” I asked, truly surprised.  Many teens aren’t that thrilled about attending public school and wish they were homeschooled!

“Well, they hate it because they used to be homeschooled and their moms really didn’t do anything. They say that they just got handed some textbook and told to do it.  Or their mom didn’t expect anything—just let them do whatever they wanted. And basically they sat around all day, bored, no friends, no activities.  So now they hate it.  And never want to homeschool!”  Louisa explained.

Oh, how tragic!  How truly tragic!

Motherhood is my chosen career. My biggest efforts in my life right now are to facilitate my children’s education and help to make their preparation for adulthood optimal.  I work at it hard. I plan lessons, classes, socials, dances, field trips, activities, parties, book reviews, apprenticeships and opportunities to learn from experts.  It is how I mother. My grown daughters can’t wait to have children of their own to homeschool. Louisa loves homeschooling with a passion!   Because it is being together, firstly, and learning, secondly.  I do not want to hand her a textbook and go about my (less important) business.

We have such an opportunity to mold our child’s mind into a fruitful field for the Lord.  The child’s attitudes, faith, character virtues, study habits, focus, manners, citizenship, and mindset all rest in our hands, Mom.  The responsibility is staggering! And I cannot imagine anything more important to do than to guide and influence my precious children’s hearts!

Recently, I taught a history class to my daughter Louisa and several other homeschooled teenagers.  We delved into the scriptures and read and applied them to what we were studying. We talked together and discussed things.  Louisa loved it!  I think they all learned.  After the teens left, I walked into the kitchen and assessed the work that needed doing.  I acknowledged that the afternoon could (and maybe should) have been spent cleaning up the dishes, making dinner,  and getting things in order, since I had an appointment that evening. But I know there is not enough time or energy to do everything, and right now, the timing is crucial to do the more important work of teaching and being there for Louisa.  A few years from now, Louisa will be grown and my nest will be empty.  But the dishes will still need washing, I know.  First things first.

I like a clean house as well as anyone, but it is all a matter of priorities, and sometimes we have to turn a blind eye to all the undone work.  Involve your kids working side by side with you, and when you’ve put in an allotted time, accept it as good enough. Better to play with the baby, or read to the little ones, to sew with your teenager, or throw a ball with your growing son . . . those things are remembered and cherished.  If the dishes were washed or not, if the floor needs mopping or not, is not going to likely blaze in the memory of your children.  But your time—given freely, happily, and lovingly—will make all the difference!

Homeschooling helps me keep my priorities straight. It is on my schedule to focus on my children from 9 to noon every single weekday (for the past 24 years!) That comes first.  Dishes (and doorbells, and dentist appointments) come later.  They have to wait. Because I am doing something very important!  I am transferring my values, my faith, my attitudes, my worldview to my children via learning and happy times spent together.  Nothing is a vital as that!

Who could hate “homeschooling” if that is what it really meant at your house?

The very first lesson in homeschool is not how to write your name or recognize your ABC’s.  The very first lesson is obedience, because without it, no other lesson works very well.  A child must learn to listen and obey.  First time. Without reminders, without excuses, without mom counting to 3!

Most of us still feel like teenagers when our first child is suddenly ready for school!  We’re trying very hard to keep the crown of authority in parenthood from slipping right off our head and crashing to the ground. It doesn’t fit very well—we don’t feel adequate for the job.  But like it or not,  we are in charge of our precious children!  God has given us that responsibility and, ready or not, we must grown into the position.   Mom, you’re in charge!

Children are in tune to family dynamics. They notice when there is some hesitancy in taking charge of the children.  If you don’t feel ready to rule the roost, a child is eager and willing to bump you off your throne and climb up there himself! And that is a very scary home to live in, where family  life can be run by a 5-year-old.  When Daddy leaves for work, Mom is the sole person in charge, and the children need to feel it.  It makes life so much more secure for kids to have very distinct expectations!  “For if the trumpet give an uncertain sound, who shall prepare himself to the battle?”  (1 Corinthians 14:8)

So, the first lesson of homeschooling is the lesson of whose word is law, and who must obey. Teach it well!

I want to assure you that I completely believe in being a benevolent, kind, loving, and compassionate director.  But ruler Mom must be, if there is to be peace, order, and learning going on in the home.  Mom has to set out the expectations, and teach her children to obey her.  If you are a tender mother, this doesn’t come easy.  It is more natural to be easy-going, to overlook mild disobedience, and to make excuses for our children (she’s shy, he forgets his manners, he’s a “real boy”, etc.)  But just as the little sapling tree grows into a rigid, immovable giant oak, so will your little ones develop habits that are nearly unbreakable by the pre-teen and teenage years. A gentle, insistent and constant nudge in the right direction now will make the man later.

Of course, we want our children to learn academics, but the most important lessons have to do with character training and habits, and learning to control oneself. Be constant in the way you act, Mom.  You are modeling what you want your children to act like. Be happy, smile, be a friend—but be in control. Be ultra dependable.  Make sure they know that you are not to be meddled with, and that if you say it, it will surely come to pass.  Don’t break promises.  Better yet, don’t make promises.  If you can’t absolutely be certain you are taking them swimming today, don’t promise it.  Breaking your word makes your rules less easy to obey (perhaps you’ll change your mind on the rules, too).  Create a home environment of trust, security, clear cut rules and consequences.  Don’t let the child who whines get their way. Never never let crying, fighting, meanness, impatience or coaxing pay off.  Enjoy your children and laugh with them and be their favorite person. Don’t accidentally reward any smidgen of negative behavior (with either your attention, or letting them getting their way).  Children sense what is right and fair and they will respect you for not overlooking or brushing off infractions. You must convince them by your lessons and by your own behavior, that good things come to those who behave, and obey Mom and the family rules.  When you have done this, not only will they be great students, but they will be good family members that you enjoy being around, and eventually good citizens and emissaries for Christ!

I watched the elephants when I was a young mother, and they influenced me greatly. The elephant mother is quite peaceful and even-tempered.  She moves slowly and doesn’t get easily agitated.  All goes perfectly well until her baby misbehaves!  I watched a movie about elephants walking across the savannah in Africa.  They were moving steadily along, in line, with other elephants, when a baby elephant stepped out of the line, wandering the other direction.  He only got a couple of steps away, when suddenly, Mother Elephant powerfully reached out with her trunk and slapped the baby back into line.  The baby was stunned, but by the time he recovered and looked up, the mother was back to her peaceful steady self. No hard feelings. No lectures. No grudges. No frowns. Just immediate consequences that a baby could easily learn to avoid.  I was impressed.

This kind of discipline seemed so healthy to me, that I tried to be that mother elephant for my kids. Mom is happy, smiling, playful, and easy to be with.  No nagging. No lectures. No frowning especially!  Then when the child moves out of line, she acts swiftly to correct it, never raising her voice, but making perfectly sure that her child knows exactly what is expected and that what he did was not okay.  Then immediately, it is back to sunshine, acceptance, love, and a happy mood.  No good is done by being in a bad mood, harboring ill feelings, drawing out punishment, or repeating lectures. Children are learning, they are practicing, and we should expect them to push the limits and try out breaking the rules. To see if they really are rules and if the consequences really will happen. That is how they learn. If it never, ever pays to disobey, they will learn more quickly. The children will stop fighting—because you have engineered it so the consequences are just not worth it.  They won’t have to be told twice, because they know after you say it once, if they don’t move to action, you’ll be right there, making sure they do just what you asked them to, and there will be consequences. Eventually, all you have to do is just “look” like you are going to get up and they’ll run to obey.  My kids laugh about that at my house.  If I made a sudden move, the children all would hop to. This has been a very effective way to parent, and to get cooperation in the home.

Every child needs to feel that Mom is their best friend, and always on their side. Wouldn’t life be lonely and frightening without that?  I tried to never put enmity between us—it was important for me that my child knew I was always on his side, commiserating with him that he had to live with the consequence of breaking the law.  I wanted my children to know that I had to keep the rules too, and that we were hand-in-hand in life, trying to learn to live the rules and not suffer the consequences.  I felt bad when he didn’t obey, not mad at him, but sad that he had to live with the consequence, because I truly felt that way.  I cried with him. I wanted my child to know that my love extended to compassion for him suffering the consequence of disobedience.  I often set the timer, and used the timer as the enemy, rather than me being at odds with my child:  “Oh no!  Hurry and get ready, it is going to ring and then we won’t be able to play a game before bed!  Hurry, hurry–I want to play with you!”

As children learn to obey you, things will run so much more smoothly and more happily. Homeschooling will be a pleasure—time you share with your best friends, to learn and do and enjoy together.  It will cease to be so much effort or fight to make kids do what they are supposed to.  Cooperation turns a job into joy.

Obedience. The most important lesson God wants us to learn here on earth is to obey Him. The very first lesson that children need to learn in the home is to obey you, who God has placed at their head.  It makes for a very happy family life.

Is somebody giving you grief on the subject of homeschooling?

It’s overwhelming enough to get geared up for all that is involved in educating your own children this school year, but it really feels like a thankless task when those you care about have something unpleasant to say. Whether it is a neighbor or friend, or closer to home in a beloved husband, parent or mother-in-law, it can really sting and break your confidence.

I’ve been homeschooling for 24 years now.  Trust me, I’ve heard my share of homeschool criticism directed at me personally.  (I was going to list a few comments, just to give you a taste, but I realized that they still feel distressing to me, so I’ll spare us both!)  For years, it hurt and made me want to draw back from the person who was speaking. But as the years have gone by, I have come to see their comments as a form of “condensed love”.

Those who voice their doubts truly care about us and our children. They are afraid. I think fear is their dominant emotion.  Homeschooling looks very daring . . . and exciting. . . but it flies in the face of the traditions they were raised with, for better or worse.  Which creates doubt.  The big “IF” rears its ugly head!

I think this is how the thought process goes on in the brain of your critic:  “(Your name) _______ is homeschooling her children.  That is not how I was raised. That is not what I am doing with my children. She is going against the time-proven establishment.  This cannot be right. Oh no! What if she is right? IF she is doing the best for her children, then I have to examine what I am doing, and consider other alternatives.  NO!  That can’t be. That is not comfortable.  Therefore, homeschooling cannot be good.”

Love for you and your children makes many if’s threaten:  What if the children become social misfits?  What if they don’t learn anything? What if they can’t go to college?  What if she exhausts herself and ruins her health?  What if her housekeeping never gets done?  What if the children turn into juvenile delinquents? What if they have no friends? What if they miss out on all the great stuff school has to offer?  What if she has less time for me? What if we have less in common as she homeschools?  Those if’s are concern-motivated.

Instead of feeling annoyed and irritated when I get homeschooling criticism, I want to see it for what it is.  Honest concern.  Pressure is just really love all wound up into a tight bundle.

Condensed love.

Because that is what it really is.

I feel better already!

We moms all want our sons, when grown, to marry a good girl, and be a good husband and father. That goal seems to be universal wish amongst mothers.  Boys are a bit unfinished, though. A rough piece of wood that needs to be smoothed, sanded and polished.  That takes time and years to accomplish, but we moms can do a lot to help that process.

I listen to my older girls talk when they come home from dates.  Lack of courtesy is a big deal-breaker. Did he open her door? Did he take cell phone calls while on a date?  Did he play his music loud in the car?  Did he walk her to the door? Did he ask her questions or did he just want to talk about himself? Was he an aggressive driver?  Did he make crude  jokes? Did he show respect and concern for people who were older? . . .  to little ones?  Was he kind to animals? Those things really matter to a girl!

Teach your boys that girls are to be treated with utmost chivalry.  I start young on this, when boys are just 5 or 6 years old by showing them the old, black-and-white Prince Valiant movies or other such movies.  Or by reading a English period book, where the gentlemen throws his coat down over a puddle so the lady can walk across.  What is all this pampering about?  The customs of old English society represent chivalry, where a man would do all to protect his lady. Its roots are from the times of knights.  And it reflects an attitude about woman’s virtue and potential motherhood.

A young bride needs protection and pampering. Carrying a child is a very vulnerable position for most women. They need extra care, physically and emotionally.  Producing an heir to the family was a very highly esteemed career, too.  Children were valued greatly.  More so than in our culture.  Childhood death was more common, and mothers did not have careers. Their role was to be a companion to their husband, to soothe his way, and to produce and nurture children—and they were honored for it.  No more was expected of a woman than that. They were not supposed to teach Sunday school or pay bills or mow the lawn.

I don’t necessarily think that would be a good way to live, but I do believe that woman’s vulnerability in light of her potential to create life, should be recognized and protected.  And opening a door for a girl is a small way of acknowledging her femaleness.  And any boy who is taught to do it, shines!

So, I taught and expected my sons to open doors for their sisters. And to carry the heavy things. And do the heavy work.  And to treat girls as special, because “someday a girl will bear your children and fix your supper and make your house into a home”.  And I taught the girls to pleasantly accept and praise such behavior in boys.  With the understanding that they needed to practice and prepare for the day they would bear their beloved’s children, and care for them, and that it would be a big, rewarding job.

I remember one day the UPS man came and delivered a heavy box to our house. My little Emily was just 4, and she tried to receive it from the UPS man, who had come to be our friend because of frequent deliveries.  When she felt how heavy it was, she told him she shouldn’t lift it—it might “hurt her baby-maker”.  I was a little embarrassed, but that is how young I taught my girls to protect their bodies for the crucially important work of mothering and family-making.

I once met a young man from Thailand and was talking to him about his life. He said his job as a boy was to stay up all night guarding the melon patch.  In that country, melons were a staple part of his family’s diet, and the lizards would come at night and eat them.  For the family to survive, they had to safeguard their crops.  And the only means to do that was to post their young son as a sentry against the lizards at night.  I reflected on that, and realized how crucial he was to the family’s survival, and what importance he must have felt as a Protector.

So, we have a job to do, Moms. To teach our boys and girl their true natures, and that honoring those will bring them the greatest joy in life.  Chivalry in a boy starts when they are little guys, struggling to carry a heavier grocery bag than their sister, to protect her. It is an attitude and a recognition of our genders and their glorious possibilities.  Boys don’t have to fight a dragon, but knowing that would be their job, if there was one, helps a boy know who he is.  Read him the picture book, St. George and the Dragon. Protecting life is his career!  And nurturing life is hers.  It’s a very happy world that way.

Give your girls the family jobs that have to do with nurturing: cooking, setting the table, putting the baby’s shoes on, hanging clothes on the line, rocking the baby, etc. Give your sons the big muscle jobs that have to do with providing and protecting:  shoveling in the garden, hammering, chopping wood, hauling wood for the fireplace, caring for the animals.  Of course, if he is 5, he doesn’t have those big muscles yet, but he will grow into his jobs, little by little.

A boy who opens doors. Who is sensitive yet brave and protecting. A young man who is courteous enough not to take calls on his cell phone during a date.  And who gives up his seat for a lady.  Who is eager to help the elderly. Who wouldn’t be thrilled to call such a man “Sweetheart” or “Father” ?

Very cute little people: Abigail, Isaac and Rebekah eating from my cherry tree!

Yesterday was a quiet Sunday afternoon.

A knock on the door, and my grown son Mark popped in, as a surprise, just wanting to visit his mama.  We had a nice dinner together with my husband and my children living at home:  Emily, Ammon and Louisa—and talked about all the houses Mark has bought at great deals (he does real estate investing)!

. . . and then there was another knock on the door —a tiny knock—and in popped my grandbabies unexpectedly,  along with their parents, my son Daniel and his wife Melissa.   My granddaughters were wearing little matching dresses, and always come running to give me hugs!  They were excited to choose their favorites from a bowl of smooth stones Rick and I had recently picked up on Malibu beach while visiting our newest grandson, Joseph.  The rocks are in so many pretty colors, perfectly smooth from the tumbling waves of the Pacific.  These little ones are dear children and I enjoy them so much.  Their mother, Melissa,  is expecting my 7th grandchild in the fall!

. . . then the door knocked again and my newly engaged daughter  Julianna and her fiance popped in, in-love and happy!  We started talking about Mark helping them to find a great deal on a house, and my son Daniel taking their engagement pictures.  Seeing my children all willing to work together to help makes me so happy!

. . .  and the evening just slipped away very pleasantly!

Can there be any greater blessing to a mother than having her children, and now grandchildren, around her?

No, I think not!

Yakety-yak! We moms sure love to talk. I sometimes wonder what we sound like to our little children! I wonder, if after the first sentence, they might catch a word here and there but not grasp the whole meaning of what we are trying to communicate. They love us, and they listen attentively at times, but I don’t think they always “get it”!

Eavesdrop with me on this family’s wordy mother. Three-year-old Susie just entered the living room with her bowl of cereal, holding it with both hands, tipping a bit. Mom begins:

“Oh no, Susie! You’ve got to sit at the table with that bowl of Grape Nuts and milk and not come onto the living room carpet because you might spill it and milk is horrible to try to get out of carpet. You’re tipping it now, Susie! Milk can smell really bad if it is spilled in carpet! I’ve told you a hundred times to sit at the table with your food. You are not allowed in here over the carpet with any food. Remember Grandma’s old blue car that accidentally had milk spilled on the floor of the car? It was impossible to get out and always smelled funny. Now Susie, you really need to take that bowl of cereal out of here now.”

Did you stick with Mom’s speech? If so, I am sure your eyes were glazing over, just like Susie’s. She might still be standing—spilling bowl in hand—looking at her mother as she talks, but Susie is probably “lost in space”.

How much more effective to just briefly, kindly, and concisely say: “Susie, go to the table!” Now, that is a clear and simple command that can be followed! And followed-up on!

“Yes” and “no” without elaborate explanations are just right for kids under about 5 years old. Boys, who tend to be less verbal, especially need us to “cut to the chase”. When children get a little older, sometimes they will truly need an explanation. You can tell when the “why?” is defiant (“why can’t I?!) and when it is truly a curious (“why is that?”), needing a brief explanation. But they almost never need a lengthy explanation. I fear we do overkill with our words and explanations.

Perhaps we mothers could do better if we stopped talking so much!

This is my second year of Square Foot Gardening, and it just gets better and better!  I’m so excited! For the first time in 30+ years of growing a family garden, we are actually eating it every single day:  lettuce, spinach, carrots, green beans, cilantro, parsley, basil, eggplant, potatoes, onions, swiss chard, tomatoes, cucumbers, collards, kale, raspberries, and more!  I haven’t used a shovel or rake for two years now, as the soil is so loose and light that most of the work I can do easily with my hands.  Even pulling a carrot out is easy to do with my fingers. Gone are the days of shoveling out a carrot, snapping it in two in the process!

This year we built and planted even more square foot box/beds, and I even planted one of them into a flower garden box for fun.  It is so nice to have a fresh bouquet on the table along with the fresh produce—it’s food for the senses!

Last year we planted half of our garden space the traditional way and the other half the Square Foot Gardening way.  This year, we took that half that was planted in a traditional dirt/rows garden and covered it with all completely with black plastic after laying down a water dripper system. We put a strip of old carpet down every 4 feet to form a pathway so we weren’t walking on the black plastic.  Then we cut an “x”shaped slit to create holes for our tomato seedlings as well as all the melon and squash seedlings.

When the sun got hot, we could almost see these plants grow right before our eyes!  We also planted some tomatoes and melons in our square foot garden beds, just for comparison purposes.  The tomatoes that I planted in my square foot garden beds are doing about the same as those under black plastic, and they actually ripened earlier.  But the melons and squash planted in black plastic are 10x bigger and more lush than the ones in my square foot garden. In fact, I have about 15 cantaloupes and watermelons just lying on the plastic, getting plumper day by day!  Cucumbers like the black plastic better too, as do peppers.  I didn’t try eggplant in black plastic, but I will next year, because they love the heat so much.  The benefits of black plastic:  No weeding.  No overhead watering.  Water doesn’t evaporate off.  Bugs that live in the soil have a rougher time of finding your plants.

I like the black plastic method for sprawling plants that are put in the ground as seedlings. Square foot gardening is ideal for small plants sown from seed, such as herbs, lettuce, carrots, etc.

I also experimented this year with growing potatoes in a plastic barrel cut in half (bottom removed for drainage).  I laid the cut seed potatoes down on the old carpet on which the barrel was set.  Then I topped them with square foot gardening recommended soil.  Potatoes like lots of water, so I supplied that. As they sprouted and grew green stalks, I added another layer of soil.  Just as soon as they grew up through that, more soil got dumped on top until the barrel was full of soil and thick with potato foilage.  The logic is that potatoes will form along the stem as it grows up through the soil, filling the barrel full of potatoes. The results are not in yet, but when I harvest (by tipping the barrel over, or fishing down in the loose soil with my hands),  there should be loads of big potatoes that I didn’t even have to turn a shovelful to get to. I’ll let you know how it turns out.

Potato blossoms are so pretty!

I love the taste of this garden produce. It feels like it is oozing with vitamins and minerals!  It is easy to see how vibrant health could come from eating this everyday!  I sneak a few leaves of  kale, collards, chard and parsley into every salad, soup or casserole.  Umm . . . isn’t this the very best time of year?!

My daughter Louisa (14) and I work together in our garden

Louisa and I in our matching swimsuits!

I love sweets.  I would have never, in my wildest dreams, imagined that I could stay off sugar for an entire year! Or that my 14 year old daughter would opt to do it for and with me. I know you’ve heard people say, “It’s easy to live without sugar” and I never believed them myself, but I am here to tell you:  it’s easy!  Truly. Honest.

Louisa and I just celebrated our “One Year Sugar Free” anniversary . . .  and no, we did not celebrate it by eating sugar! (Funny how everyone asks that question!)  We celebrated by going to a fancy restaurant together for lunch, eating wholesome and nutritious food, veggies included, and then shopping for a new blouse (which we decided to sew instead).  We had a great time just being together and had fun talking about how magnificent and impossible everyone thinks it is that we can manage to stay off sugar (when it really isn’t hard!)  Hee hee.

Like any other habit, it is those first few days and even a week or two that are challenging, as you break cravings and struggle to create a new routine.  I used to rely on sugar—ice cream and chocolate especially—to pick me up when I lagged mid-afternoon (or mid-morning, or before bed, or any old time), and as I get older, those lagging times are coming more frequently, to my chagrin.  Finding a way to get through low-energy times without sugar is necessary.

I have changed my habit to eating nuts instead. They give you the boost you need, are healthy, and are quick and easy. I think the quick-and-easy part is why many of us reach for sugar or junk food as a pick-me-up, rather than peeling a carrot or other wholesome food.  Nuts really are a wonderful substitute. I keep a little zip-lock snack bag in my purse, my church bag, my car, and on my counter-top, and when I feel energy wane, instead of grabbing a handful of chocolate chips (many moms’ energy main-stay), I just grab a few raw walnuts, or almonds, or pecans.  They taste yummy. A few make you feel better.  They are quick and easy!

(Note: raw nuts are full of good oils, which will go rancid within about 6 months  if you do not store them in the freezer.  Just leave out on the countertop as many nuts as you can eat in a week’s time.  Stash the rest in the freezer for ultimate freshness!)

A year is enough time to make you feel comfortable with a habit.  I don’t really mention that I am sugar free, and nobody seems to notice, even at a party or a restaurant. It’s just the way things are, and I don’t even feel tempted. I glance by the dessert just like I glance by a wine bottle. It’s not for me. If you are not self-conscious, nobody really notices.  Yes, I would like a big, fat chewy, chunky, fudgy brownie with nuts and chocolate chips and chocolate icing.  Yep. Sure thing.  I would love it . . . if I could remember what it tastes like! It’s been a long, long while. I can still smell for free.  And it does smell delicious.  But I know it is no good for me. I can’t go there. I can never go back.

What do I do when I want something sweet? I don’t ever consider eating sugar.  That is over for me.  So, I think of what I can do to enjoy the sweet taste.  Cherries and watermelon are supreme!  Oh peaches!  Plums. And blueberries. Oh, I love blueberries! I used to think of them as expensive and an extravagance. Now I think $2.50 for a little carton is a fine price.  Ice cream would cost more.  So I buy them and enjoy. I don’t bake with them.  I eat them fresh by hand.  Yum!

And I find ways to make food sweet with stevia, the only healthy sweetener I want to use besides raw fruit.  I have researched the sweeteners on the market, and that is the only one I really feel is safe.  Agave has been shown to be little better than high fructose corn syrup.  I like raw honey (not cooked), but it raises blood sugar levels, so I use it very sparingly, if at all.  The artificial sweeteners all scare me, with the negative research results that are coming into the news.  Splenda especially.  I think sugar might actually be less harmful than Splenda.  I don’t want to trade off one bad habit for another.

Louisa makes us milkshakes with stevia and they really hit the spot!  They keep me sugar-free. Since they are made of raw milk, fruit and stevia, they are nutritious and make being sugar-free something I can do without feeling too deprived.  You can also make stevia-sweetened chocolate milk, cheesecake, and fudge-sicles (chocolate stevia + milk in blender, then freeze in popsicle molds).  Apple crisp is a good recipe when you wish for a hearty dessert.

If you really just have to have a chocolate bar, you can get a maltitol-sweetened chocolate bar at Trader Joe’s or Walmart, called Simply Lite.  It is not a Symphony bar, gotta tell you that.  But, when desperate, it is chocolate and if you need a square of it to keep you on track, so be it.  I just want to keep away from the Splenda ones.

If you need a chocolate chip cookie, you can buy maltitol-sweetened chocolate chips made by Hershey’s.  These are pricey!  But they do make a chocolate chip cookie.  I use xylitol or some other healthy (and unfortunately expensive) sweetener in a regular cookie recipe (along with whole wheat flour and oatmeal to make it healthier), and add the chocolate chips and lots of nuts, and reserve this for a very occasional treat.

What to do about food-pushers? If you tell people you are sugar-free, some of them feel determined to get you to “just taste this new recipe I made . . . just one bite . . . I made it just for you” and others hold you to it: “you can’t eat this”.  I try to skip all this drama by just not mentioning it to anyone.  If someone makes a special dessert and is eager for me to try it, I look at it and make appropriate comments, “that looks so delicious, how did you make it?, etc.”   If they cut me a piece, I carry it around on it’s plate for awhile and then set it down.  People don’t always notice if you eat it. They just want to be appreciated, and if you express gratitude for their effort, they are happy.  It works to say, “I am full, just can’t eat another bite”.  Nobody seems to argue with that like they argue about diets, no-sugar, or other preferences.  The truth of it is, once you lose your self-consciousness about being sugar-free, it is no longer an issue.  Not worthy of mentioning. Who cares?

So, here we go on Year 2. It’s going to be easy.  We have already made it through a year of birthdays, Valentine’s Day, holidays, Christmas . . .  all sugar-free!  Why stop now?  We’re still experimenting with stevia, trying to create yummy desserts.  But it isn’t very important if we have dessert or not. Not like it used to be. Cravings long gone.  Thankfully!

Sugar Free! That’s me!

Read about how we went sugar-free:

Just starting our sugar-free journey

After 100 Days!

Recipe for Chocolate Strawberry Milkshake

“Fool” Dessert, Sugar-Free recipe

I’m a grandmother anew!  Joseph John (son of my second son Nathan and his wife Melanie) has arrived in the world, and we are so pleased and happy to welcome him!

Precious little one so fresh from God.

This makes #6 grandbaby.  I feel so blessed!

Just sharing my joy!

My son Nathan and his darling family!